if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
