You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
