dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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