so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
