I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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