We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
