I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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