It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
