the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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