I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
