I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My ass is underappreciated
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
