Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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