Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
