Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
