i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my being single is dangerous.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
