Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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