Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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