It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
