I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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