ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
