3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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