Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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