Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
