She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
