i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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