let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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