My nipple is on Facebook.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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