What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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