Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
