when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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