dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
