Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize