I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
