I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
