The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
