well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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