so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
