At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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