I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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