Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
her vagine was all disorganized.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
