peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
