hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
