so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
