She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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