Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
