I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize