so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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