I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
