If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
