On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
bring money and cleavage
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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