took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
