it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
