So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
