Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
