Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
