I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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