it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
