He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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