This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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