i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Two words: nipple clamps
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