he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
