if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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