This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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