U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
