on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
