I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
