people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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