so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
