Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
