Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
