It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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