i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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